Hi Jan,
Do you really mean your child was seven years old when s/he weaned?? My
son is 2 years and 2 months and he loves to nurse; however, I am
sometimes too distracted, irritated, etc and think it would be good to
wean him. Tell me about nursing an older child, when and where do you
nurse? My, seven seems so old. My older son is four and we stopped
nursing when I was pregnant and he was two, my nipples were so sore and
he was willing to stop since I wasn't producing much milk.
Thanks for your reply,
Joy
Jan's reply:
Hi Joy,
Yes, Jason was seven. However, that is somewhat misleading, because
after about age 3, his nursing decreased considerably both in duration
and frequency. The last few years were very minimal - on many days just
briefly one time before sleep, and on some days not at all. Many mothers
who choose to nurse past toddlerhood find that their child nurses even
less often than my son did - just a few times a week or month.
Nursing as long as we did was not my original expectation. When Jason
was your son's age, I would have been amazed to know how long it would
continue! But what I didn't know until later was that nursing past age 2
is decidedly different from nursing a baby. It takes much less time and
energy, and is physically almost no "work" at all - in fact it
helped me to relax after a tiring or difficult day, and I looked forward
to it as much as he did. The only real difficulty we ever had was from
well-meant but hurtful comments from relatives. I soon learned that
brief responses recognizing their good intentions worked best.
As he continued with it, I assumed there were good reasons, even
though I didn't know at that time that nursing in many so-called
"primitive" or natural societies lasts an average of 5 to 7
years, as it still does in many societies today. Nursing less is
actually abnormal from that perspective, and it is my belief that this
length of time was the norm for the tens of millions of years before we
became "civilized". Deliberate weaning by the mother is
definitely a modern trend.
Anthropologists have reported that in those societies where extended
breastfeeding is common, there is an increase in longevity. This is
thought to be related to the immunizing function of nursing. As milk
production decreases, the immune factors in breastmilk increase. As the
human immune system is not fully developed until age 6, it is logical to
assume that nursing for at least 6 years is Nature's plan.
Still, even when we understand the reasons for extended nursing, it
is only natural to experience doubts and indecision during stressful
times - especially if our child reacts to the stress by nursing more
frequently. I often had such doubts myself. However, I am immensely glad
that we continued, as it helped to establish Jason's near-perfect
health, gave me my best "tool" during his energetic
toddlerhood, and also contributed to a beautifully strong bond between
us that we are still enjoying now in his teenage years. I feel sure that
we will never lose that precious closeness, and that continuing with our
nursing relationship as long as we did was a major factor.
As to "when and where" to nurse, this common concern
becomes much less of a problem over time. A toddler or an older child -
especially one who is emotionally close to his/her mother - can
understand and accept limitations and delays that a baby cannot. Like
many other parenting decisions, extended breastfeeding does not need to
be seen as an "all or nothing" proposition. As circumstances
require, the mother can establish a "partial weaning" by
gently setting limits as to both time and place. For example, some
mothers stop nursing in public, or delay nursing when certain people are
present, or when the mother is too tired or ill. Others simply
"play it by ear" in deciding the time and place. The most
important consideration here is that it is possible and preferable for
the mother to meet both her needs and that of her child in whatever way
works best.
In terms of the specific benefits of nursing, the longer your son
nurses, the better; at the same time, there is never a need to commit
yourself to 7 years, or even 3. It's best to consider nursing as a
decision "in progress", allowing for continuation for as long
as it is working for you and your son, and without remorse if you ever
need to stop. The important thing is to become knowledgeable enough that
a decision to wean is truly an informed choice that you will not regret
later.
A book that is very helpful in considering this question is Mothering
Your Nursing Toddler by Norma Jane Bumgarner. I wish every parent
could read this informative and supportive book! We have one of Norma
Jane's articles on our site:
