Once when I went out with her
briefly, the boy had a cut on his face when we returned. She claimed
he did it on the crib, but she wasn't there at the time. Yesterday
she came down to ask me to come and see his birthday presents. When
we got up there the boy was in his crib crying and had a huge red
mark on the right side of his face.
It really bothers me that the mother knows about
it and does nothing. The father is always alone with the child when
he gets hurt, as far as I know.
Can you suggest anything? I have no proof of this
other than what the mother has told me and the cut and marks I have
seen on him.
- Name withheld
A. Thank you so much for writing and for your compassion
for this child. I urge you to call Childhelp USA or the reporting
number for your state. They have a list of hotlines
and state-by-state numbers.
What you are describing is the sort of treatment
that is highly likely to lead to violent behavior as the child grows
up (I would strongly suspect that the father had a similar
childhood). And there may well be more severe forms of abuse than
you suspect, that have been hidden from you, and possibly also from
the mother. She may also be a victim of physical or emotional abuse.
In any case, she is very likely terrified of reporting this herself.
Please, please do so.
Child abuse ripples out to many, many people over
many years, so you could be helping far more people than just this
one child. If you are concerned about the steps a child protection
agency might take, ask the person who takes your call how the
agencies in your state would handle this kind of situation.
Interestingly, it may actually be illegal for you not to
report this situation. As stated on this
page: "All 50 states have passed some form of a
mandatory child abuse and neglect reporting", not just for
professionals but in many states for any individual who suspects
such abuse.
I understand that you may be hesitant to report
this situation, but from all you've told me, I doubt that you are
mistaken in your conclusions - and child protection agencies would
much rather have a report that errs by being wrong than not hearing
about an abusive situation until it is too late.
- Jan
