| Parents-to-be are confronted with
many items of baby gear that are presented by the industry and our
culture as "must-have" items: cribs, baby swings and
bouncers, playpens, strollers, bottles and bottle-warmers, pacifiers,
mobiles, and more. It can be a daunting task to decide whether each of
these items is truly necessary and useful, especially for a new or
expectant parent with little experience in the care of an infant. Yet
most of the baby items sold today are not only unnecessary and
expensive, but harmful. They are all substitutes for the more natural
and beneficial things that only parents can give. Such items as swings
and bouncers take the place of parent-and-baby play. Formula, bottles,
and bottle warmers substitute for breastfeeding. Pacifiers take the
place of nursing for comfort. Cribs take the place of co-sleeping,
playpens take the place of holding, and strollers substitute for
carrying.
Many of these items came about during the 1940's
and 1950's, when our culture, focusing on post-war
"modernization" saw mothering as yet another occupation that
could benefit from modern inventions. While new household gadgets,
such as dishwashers, vacuum cleaners, and washing machines have made
housework easier, parenting-related items have only made life more
difficult for both parents and children. It's far more likely that a
child will look forward to sleeping next to a parent than sleeping
alone in a crib, making bedtime a pleasure for everyone, instead of
the most dreaded time of day. Because our Stone Age babies with
instinctual knowledge of their true needs expect natural, age-old
approaches, substitute approaches will inevitably be resisted, leading
to repeated conflicts. Such conflicts endanger the parent-baby
relationship, and to what purpose? I feel deep sadness when I read
about well-meaning but misinformed parents letting their baby
"cry it out" in a crib. Not only is this process painful for
all concerned, it accomplishes nothing worthwhile, and gives many
harmful messages to the baby: that no one can be counted on in times
of need, that they are not worth caring about, and - worst of all -
that it's OK to disregard another person's needs and feelings as long
as one holds the power in that relationship. These harmful messages
can remain within the child as a general life philosophy long after
the specific experiences have been forgotten.
Which items are truly useful and beneficial for
new parents? Not very many: a king-size bed (or futons covering the
bedroom floor), a comfortable sling, a breastfeeding pillow and
footstool, a nursing necklace (if needed), and, especially, heartfelt
books, magazines, and articles on attachment parenting. As Marilyn
Hogan wrote, "Baby equipment should only be used to enhance the
bond between parents and baby." Unfortunately, many
items on the market today can only damage that relationship.
Babies who are simply trying hard to have their
legitimate needs met deserve much more. Fortunately, those needs –
loving attention, breastfeeding, co-sleeping, and carrying, cost
nothing at all to give, yet are the most important gifts of all.
|
Many of
these items came about when our culture, focusing on post-war
"modernization" saw mothering as yet another occupation that
could benefit from modern inventions.
|
