Post Natal Depression -
Mental Illness or Natural Reaction? by Robin Grille
Post Natal Depression (PND)
affects at least one in ten mothers around the world. While this
painful and debilitating condition afflicts mothers - within four
weeks of giving birth - it is also stressful for family relationships
and detrimental to mother-infant bonding.
These days it is popular to explain PND as
feminine hormones gone awry - though the evidence for this is poor. We
have a variety of pharmaceuticals at our disposal - and, of course,
they can be helpful. But our over-reliance on the hormonal,
"sickness" model has a serious pitfall. If all we do is rely
on allopathic approaches we risk overlooking some of the very real
situational factors that can cause depression. I believe we may be
seriously downplaying the importance of mothers' emotional needs,
discounting the things that wound them, and disregarding critical
steps to restoring their well-being.
Among the Kipsigis of
Kenya, PND is unheard of.
If PND was biologically determined, you would
expect it to appear in every culture. It doesn't. Among the Kipsigis
of Kenya, for instance, PND is unheard of. Why? What do they do
differently for mothers? Are we, in our culture, doing enough to
recognize the circumstances that trigger PND? Do we do enough to
protect mothers from these difficulties and help them to overcome
them?
Genetic predispositions
to PND are only a small part of the picture, and genetic vulnerability
by itself is not enough to trigger this disorder. When a mother
develops PND, something very real is hurting her, though often she
cannot put her finger on what it is. Modern research, however, has
shone a light on this subject.
Triggers from the present
Every mother has been biologically programmed to
expect an increase in emotional support when her baby arrives; she
needs to be held, to feel secure and listened to by her partner,
friends, and her own mother or kin. During gestation, childbirth, and
the months that follow, mothers are emotionally fragile, and they
require extra understanding. This is normal.
Fathers are vital protectors of their family's
emotional welfare, and their lack of emotional support can be costly.
Some women who suffer from PND report that their partners are either
unsupportive or overly controlling. But even the most supportive
partners may be insufficient, and in fact, both parents need the
unflagging support of extended family, friends and community.
As at every other stage of mothering, a raft of
emotional support for the mother is extremely important during labor.
The sensitive support of a companion has such profound effects that it
actually reduces medical complications quite significantly. Mothers
who are accompanied by a female supporter - as well as their male
partner - have a shorter labor, less incidence of caesarean section,
and their babies are less likely to require neonatal intensive care.
Some of the emotional volatility experienced by
new mothers might in fact be normal and healthy. Like the proverbial
"mother-bear", it is natural for some mothers to become more
reactive than usual. This temporary surge of protective instincts is
called "lactation aggression". Because they are not
reassured that there are valid reasons for these feelings, mothers
feel ashamed and guilty. To top it off, they feel afraid of their own
irritability, afraid of what it might do to their baby, and too
embarrassed to seek the relief that comes with talking about their
feelings.
It is not uncommon for mothers to feel burdened
and resentful, or even to experience bursts of outright hostility
towards their babies. It is unrealistic and unfair to expect all new
mothers to feel nothing but radiant joy. The life changes brought
about by a new baby can come as a formidable shock that few are helped
to prepare for. With a precious new infant, we each forfeit much of
our freedom, our personal space, and our time to be alone with
ourselves and with our partners. Some mothers feel that their status
has gone; they are no longer important and worthy. If they have put a
career on hold, they experience a frightening loss of identity. A kind
of grieving process is called for, if one is to manage to gracefully
let go of life as it was before baby. Because she had not anticipated
any negative feelings, and she had expected to feel elated and in love
with her new baby, the mother becomes disappointed with herself. She
feels like a failure, and this compounds her depression. That is why
every mother needs the ongoing empathic support of her family, and
friends who can listen intently, who have traveled this territory, and
can mentor her through it. She needs friends who can hold her, share
their own experiences with her, and reassure her that her emotional
ups and downs are OK.
Every mother needs
ongoing empathic support.
When a mother feels sad
and cries, this does not necessarily indicate depression. Crying is
the body's natural way to release emotional pain. When mothers cry,
instead of being told they are mentally ill, they should be listened
to, loved and held.
Triggers from the past
At times, clues to a mother's PND might be
hidden in her own childhood history. Some mothers who felt emotionally
deprived in their early years find the demands of a baby particularly
nerve-racking; and this places them at risk of PND.
A new baby powerfully evokes from our
unconscious memory a plethora of feelings, both positive and negative,
that we felt when we ourselves were infants. Though a mother may not
suspect it, her baby's cries could be triggering her own painful
memories of infancy. If a mother has unresolved pain about loss or
abandonment, this pain may re-emerge when she enters motherhood -
though she may have no idea why she is crying. Women who had
difficulties with attachment to their own mothers, who feel their
mothers were not caring enough, or that their fathers were
overprotective, are more likely to suffer from PND.
If our own childhood emotional needs weren't
met, we might find our children's dependency hard to tolerate. It is
hard to give what has not been given us, and our babies' cries assail
our ears - unbearably. Researchers have found that women who are more
bothered by the sound of a baby crying are more likely to develop PND
once their own baby arrives.
A group of American psychologists who were
working with mothers who were having trouble bonding with their
babies, invited them to talk about their own childhoods. They helped
these mothers to connect with their own childhood pain, and to weep.
Immediately after this emotional release, these mothers spontaneously
cuddled their babies. Their nurturing energies had been walled up
behind a layer of frozen, unexpressed grief. For many PND sufferers,
unresolved grief is the key.
An ongoing emotionally supportive and empathic
relationship with her own mother can be a most potent vaccine against
PND. If this is not possible, then it can be helpful - indeed,
necessary - for a woman to talk openly and grieve her past, in the
presence of trusted others.
Is it depression or trauma?
For some mothers, PND may be a mistaken
diagnosis: they might in fact be suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress
Disorder (PTSD). For many women, the experience of labor can be highly
traumatic. Around 20 per cent of mothers lose at least some memory of
the labor experience: they report being in a "fog". This
partial amnesia is a kind of dissociation, and a classic symptom of
PTSD. British psychologists have found that 2 to 5 per cent of mothers
develop PTSD after a difficult childbirth. A much larger proportion
suffer symptoms of PTSD, such as nightmares, intrusive thoughts,
problems with breastfeeding, feelings of failure, feelings of
estrangement and difficulty bonding to their baby.
The cold, clinical atmosphere of labor wards and
the intrusiveness of defensive obstetrics are, for many women,
thoroughly violating. More than any other time, childbirth is a scary
passage when mothers need a profound and ongoing empathic connection;
they need their fears validated. Mothers usually feel extremely
vulnerable at this time, and modern obstetric wards place little
emphasis on their emotional needs. Many women feel that their control
is taken away from them, that procedures are carried out without their
understanding or consent, and that their fears are dismissed by
hospital staff. Moreover, in hospitals that separate new mothers from
their infants, their powerful, instinctual need to remain close is
brushed aside. Many mothers feel devastated by this separation; they
feel strangely empty or bereft, perhaps without knowing why.
In my private practice, over the years, I have
heard so many mothers complain bitterly that when they express such
feelings to hospital staff, they feel dismissed, and are told they are
being "irrational". Some hospital staff trivialize and
minimize mothers' emotional ups and downs through this delicate
process - their terror, pain, and feelings of helplessness, as if the
only thing that matters is that mother and child have survived the
process physically unscathed. Depression begins when women's attempts
to voice their feelings are met with the message: "You have
nothing to complain about". This is completely crushing. We close
our eyes to these traumas and their consequences at a grave cost to
mothers, their babies and their partners.
Jean Robinson, research officer at the UK
Association for Improvements in the Maternity Services, says that the
incidence of PTSD among new mothers has risen along with an increase
in interventions such as induced labor and caesarian section. But even
after normal births, symptoms of PTSD can arise when mothers are made
to feel helpless and disempowered, and their right to make birthing
decisions is taken away from them.
Broken dreams
Often, what knocks mothers into a depression is
that some fundamental emotional needs surrounding pregnancy, the birth
of her child, and the day-to-day life of mothering are not being met.
She may not even know how to validate these needs herself. The moment
her baby comes, when her need for support is most acute, she finds
herself alone for hours at a time, faced with a baby who wails for her
attention. For many mothers, when they are alone, the day can drag on
interminably. The task of mothering, along with her baby's natural,
healthy but unceasing calls for attention, ends up feeling like a
terrible burden. It was all supposed to feel wonderful, instead it
feels like tedium. She expected to be bathed in joy, instead she finds
herself struggling. She feels shocked; her illusions about mothering
are dashed, and she blames herself. No one told her it was going to
feel like this.
To make matters worse, her friends and family
keep telling her how lucky she is, and how happy she should be. This
makes her feel even more isolated, more ashamed, as if there must be
something wrong with her. The worst aggravator for a mother is to be
told she is being irrational. Such a non-empathic comment, at a time
of emotional vulnerability, can be shattering.
Our culture
fails mothers.
It needn't be this way.
Our culture fails mothers. In modern Western cultures, few parents
belong to a supportive family or tribe-like group. Mothers are
supposed to be surrounded by help and assistance, offered enduring
empathy and validation, as well as given a little of their own space
from time to time. Few enjoy these conditions. Furthermore, a mother's
social status is ranked lowest in our culture. She feels unimportant,
secondary, unwanted. Are these kinds of circumstances not reason
enough to feel depressed? That's exactly what they do differently in
cultures where PND does not exist. Kipsigi mothers receive abundant
social support throughout pregnancy and post-natally.
There are many more causes beyond those listed
here - as many as there are sufferers. A one-size-fits-all diagnosis
can shut the door on empathy and understanding. We have dangerously
underestimated women's emotional needs surrounding pregnancy,
childbirth and mothering - so much so that much of what we consider
"normal" and unremarkable is in fact traumatic. We
undervalue maternal needs for support, empathy and practical help at a
great cost to families. If we are to reduce, even eliminate, the
incidence of PND, then there is much more to be done to ensure that
mothers' psychological needs are taken care of, throughout the
parenting journey.
Heading PND off at the Pass
Dealing with PND means being proactive against
its onset. Here are some things to think about while you are pregnant:
Make pregnancy sacred: meditate, dance, talk
to your baby, have a Blessingway ceremony.
Choose natural birthing wherever possible.
Drugs used in labor interfere with the natural release of ecstatic
and loving hormones.
Examine your own birth and early childhood.
Have counseling if necessary.
Make sure there is plenty of emotional
support - from partner, friends, doula. Mother or other elder
women are particularly important.
Involve the father as much as possible in the
pregnancy and birth process so that he can be there to support
you.
Don't fight the depression: instead, welcome
it and its invitation to introspect, to slow down, to feel and to
heal. Keep a journal, draw.
Don't stay alone at home longer than is
pleasurable. Spend time with other mothers in cooperative
parenting groups.
Don't bottle up feelings. Cry, express, talk
about how you feel - a lot.
Surround yourself with good listeners.
Breastfeed. This releases oxytocin, the
hormone of love and joy.
Don't push yourself to engage in work or
responsibilities before you are ready. Plan for a "baby
moon" - the month following birth - as a retreat into your
process of birth, of becoming a new family and of transition.
Arrange before the birth for domestic support during this month -
meals made, housework and laundry done. Friends and family can
make up a roster - a real birth gift.
LIST
OF REFERENCES
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Psychiatric Association (1994) Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, IV
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P., Hickie I. and Parker, G. (1991) "Parents, Partners or
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Edgerton,
Robert B. (1992) Sick Societies: Challenging the Myth of Primitive
Harmony, New York: The Free Press.
Gonda
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Sarah B. (2000) Mother Nature, Vintage.
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Robert (1994) Becoming Attached, Oxford University Press.
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M.H. et al (1986) "Effects of Social Support During Parturition on
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Medical Journal, Vol. 293, pp 585-587.
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B.C., Hayworth, J., Benson, P., Bridge, L.R., Dewhurst, J. and Priest,
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Treloar,
S.A., Martin, N.G., Bucholz, K.K., Maden, P.A.F. and Heath, A.C. (1999)
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Originally published in Kindred, issue
21, March 2007. Reprinted with permission of the author.
Robin Grille is a Sydney-based psychologist and author of Parenting
for a Peaceful World. He has a private practice in individual
psychotherapy and relationship counseling, and can be contacted by email at
.