Subject: 9-year-old girl has
temper tantrums and school problems
Please will you help me. I have a daughter of 9 who seems to be very
insecure. She is very disruptive at school and throws temper tantrums
and sulks when she does not get her own way. She has a problem making
friends at school as she is very angry and tends to lash out at other
I have been told that I am at fault as I do not give her boundaries.
She has now got to the point where she is messing in her pants. She is
so embarrassed about this but does not seem able to control it. Please,
I am desperate to help my little girl but do not know what to do.
Thank you for visiting our site.
My first advice is to disregard those who warn about boundaries. A
child's "misbehavior" is only very seldom a case of too few
boundaries. It is far more likely to be related to the child's anger
over punishment and other frustrations. It really is true that "all
children behave as well as they are treated"! This is a very simple
principle, but in our complicated society, it can be - and often is -
overlooked and misunderstood. We've just added an excerpt from my favorite
parenting book, Raising Your Child, not by Force but by Love,
which eloquently explains this principle.
School is inevitably frustrating for children, as it is such a
restrictive and unnatural environment. It can also be painful and
difficult for a sensitive child to experience the kinds of mean-spirited
behavior that can take place at even the best of schools. If you are in
a position to consider homeschooling, please read our articles on unschooling and our book The Unschooling Unmanual .
For ideas on how to raise children in loving ways that bring about
loving behavior in return, please see these advice replies and articles:
Son disrespectful at school
Children: Do We Get It?.
Children's Natural Love of Learning